Interviews van Zack van SomethingAwful.com met bekende porno acteurs en actrices, redelijk humoristisch. -- My death spiral of failure began with Wifey from Wifey's World Zack: Hi and thanks for taking the time to talk to me ThatWifey: My pleasure! Zack: Do you ever wear your sexy costumes outside the house? ThatWifey: I used to be we had some trouble Zack: Not even just in your yard? ThatWifey: It's pretty private over by the pool, what are you think of? Zack: Oh, I just wondered if you wear your schoolgirl outfit when you go to the mail to get your AARP magazine ThatWifey has disconnected**** -- The inimitable Annie Cruz was happy to answer my questions, until I started asking them. Cruzingal: Hii! Zack: Hey there! Thanks for taking the time to talk with me! Cruzingal: whatevas babe so whats up? Zack: Alright, first question I had: Zack: When you're on your third or fourth dick of the scene and it makes you gag and throw up, does the throw up count as an extra cumshot in your contract? Cruzingal: fuck you Zack: How does your gynecologist rate your meat holes? Cruzingal has disconnected**** -- I was very excited about talking with Kate from Kate's Playground. If only I could have translated that excitement into decent questions. Zack: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me Katiebee: no problem thank you for being a fan of katesplayground.com Zack: So what's the story with that hoof of yours? Zack: Couldn't a doctor turn those lumps into separate toes? Zack: Do they make Frankenstein shoes with high heels? Katiebee has disconnected**** -- he astonishing Taylor Rain endured my moronic inquiries with practiced stoicism. Zack: Hey Taylor, I'm a big fan of your work. Thanks for talking with me. TaYLORRRAIN: SUP IN HERE BOY TaYLORRRAIN: YEA Zack: You have a very impressive catalog of work. TaYLORRRAIN: HELL YEA THANKS Zack: What themes do you feel were left unexplored by Cum Dumpsters 1 that compelled you to return to the set to film Cum Dumpsters 4? TaYLORRRAIN: LOL WHAT Zack: A thirst for knowledge sent you to school in Anal Trainer 2 and then you returned again in Anal Trainer 7. Do you feel that anal education is a lifelong process? Zack: How much knowledge can one anus retain? TaYLORRRAIN has disconnected**** -- he voluminous Peter North was remarkably polite considering my stupidity. Zack: Hello and thanks for taking the time to talk with me! Pnorth: No problem. Zack: Is it fair to say that you are best-known for the volume of your ejaculation? Pnorth: Thats true. Lake Peter. Zack: Have you ever just looked at one of your cumshots and said to yourself: "that's my Ulysses" or "that's my Statue of David"? Pnorth: Ha Ive had some big ones Zack: How would the biggest cumshot of your career stack up against, say, the biggest cumshot that was ever sprayed across your ass in one of your gay porn movies? Pnorth has disconnected**** -- Finally, I had a chance to talk with the luscious Aria Giovanni, one of my personal favorites. Zack: It's a real pleasure to get a chance to talk to you! AGVbaby: Thank you! Your readers can see more of me at ariagiovanni.com! Zack: Your exotic looks have certainly contributed to your success as an adult star, but you are often promoted as being "naturally curvy". Zack: Oh, that doesn't offend you, does it? Curvy? AGVbaby: Not at all. I'm not a waif and I'm not packing any saline. Zack: Whew. So have you ever considered surgery to correct your curviness? AGVbaby: No. Zack: I know Al Roker became much less curvy after he underwent a gastric bypass. AGVbaby: Goodbye. Zack: FYI you're kind of a porker. AGVbaby has disconnected**** -- Sapphic legend gone straight Janine is my first embarrassment of the day. Zack: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me, Janine! JLBZ: Glad to do it, what's up? Zack: You came out of retirement not too long ago and rescinded your girls-only rule, was that a difficult decision? JLBZ: I thought about it and I was ready to make the leap Zack: Would you say it was an easier or harder decision than, for example, deciding to cover yourself in shitty tattoos that make you look like a white trash Yakuza hit man? JLBZ: fuck off loser Zack: If you dishonor your studio are you contractually obligated to cut off your pinkie with a Pabst tab? JLBZ has disconnected**** -- Squirtmaster Alisha Klass probably gave me the most tolerant interview. TouchaKlass: Good afternoon! Zack: Hi Alisha and thanks for taking the time to talk with me. TouchaKlass: My pleasure Zack: At what age did you stop squirting the bed? TouchaKlass: Haha its female ejaculation Zack: You retired from the adult industry in 2000 to pursue legitimate acting, so how are the Oscar chances shaping up for 2006's "Ass-ians Have More Anal Fun"? Zack: I think you're a shoe-in for best actress. You get twice Gwyneth Paltrow's distance on a squirt, easy. TouchaKlass has disconnected**** -- Porn star Chloe (Hoffman) is best known for being loudly orgasmic, having whole hands inserted into her ass, and her reported ability to achieve an "anal orgasm". Chloe has been working in the adult industry since 1995. Zack: I really appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. nurse_chloe: No problem! Zack: Do you think your training as a ballerina helped you achieve your first assgasm? nurse_chloe: Ha maybe Zack: You followed 1996's "Anal Aristocrats" with 1997's "Dirty Little Butthole Whores", what happened to your anus's self-esteem between the filming of the two? nurse_chloe: Huh? Zack: Did you cure that lack of anal sophistication by quaffing "Beyond Reality 4: Anal Potion"? nurse_chloe has disconnected**** -- Busty brunette Celeste began working in adult films in 1992. Her appearances outside of recycled compilations have become increasingly rare. I asked her some really terrible questions and she was not pleased. Zack: It's a real pleasure to get a chance to talk with you. Clest: glad I could help Zack: You were one of the hottest stars of the '90s, but since about 2000 your body of work has diminished steadily, why is that? Clest: you get older and have kids and you don't need the money as bad Zack: How did it feel to see your videos start showing up in the "mature" section of porn sites? Clest: they dont Zack: Do you live in fear of the MILF Hunter? Clest: we're done Zack: What do you do to throw him off your trail? Do you cover your tracks with leaves? Bury your scat? Clest has disconnected**** -- Perpetual Lolita Gauge was not pleased with my line of inquiry. Zack: Hi and thanks for taking the time to talk with me! Gauge: sure thing! Zack: Do you ever feel self-conscious about your teeth on the set? Gauge: what do u mean? Zack: I mean, does a director or co-star ever comment on your teeth or do you worry that they might? Gauge: fuck that if they did id pop them Zack: Quick follow-up on that: what makes your teeth that yellow-gray color? Zack: Is it the same substance that makes them all crooked and makes your voice hoarse? Gauge: fuck u motherfuckre!!! Zack: Have you discovered a way to smoke meth and pole at the same time? Gauge has disconnected**** -- Well-endowed black porn star Mandingo was known as Big Dick Fred when he entered the industry in 1998 and since then he has a built a career doing almost exclusively interracial porn. His penis is, supposedly, just shy of a foot in length. Zack: Thank you for taking the time to talk with me, Mandingo! ManDingo: The Pleasure Is All Mine. Zack: Walk me through the process of certifying the dimensions of a "tiny white chick". ManDingo: We Just Go By Eye. Zack: Does a small or medium-sized white chick ever sneak onto the set? ManDingo: No. Zack: Other than tight white pussies, what have you destroyed with your big black monster dick? ManDingo: Peace Out. Zack: Bulkheads? Barricades? Zack: Have you stretched any fortifications? ManDingo has disconnected**** -- Spunky Jordan Capri talked with me about her brief retirement from porn and her "stolen" sex tape. I doubt she was pleased with the interview and I can't say I blame her. Zack: I'm a big fan of your site! Thanks for talking with me! JordiLamoure: oh no problem thanks 4 talking with ME! Zack: Were you shocked when your own production company stole your honeymoon sex tape and decided to release it? JordiLamoure: that was 2 prevent some1 else from proffitting Zack: Were you at all shaken when you realized your Q-rating was lower than Dustin Diamond's? JordiLamoure: my what? Zack: Don't worry, it's just a number that indicates the sum total of your value as a human being. JordiLamoure: whos dustin diamond? Zack: He's kind of like you but with viagra and a beard instead of boy shorts and droopy eyes. JordiLamoure: go 2 hell Zack: You're like a drowsy anime character. JordiLamoure has disconnected**** -- ---Copyright--- Sources/Bronnen: http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4265 http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4279